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We want to thank you for visiting Doc Reno's page.
Doc is the kind of guy who inspires confidence in everyone he meets. When Doc asks for a lift to see some of his friends, you don't ask why he needs a ride to the waterfront at 3am, you're just happy to be along for the ride. Even if you're not allowed to leave the car.....or mention the address over the phone.....or question why you have to park down the block.
Doc also is always willing to share his savvy and wisdom. For example, traveling abroad is always a learning experience with Doc. He taught us what a "suppository" is and how to "act naturally" through customs. Doc's other friends are also great guys, they all have very nice cars and anyone who's been there can tell you that Bogotá is gorgeous in the summer! Doc even taught us how to whistle after years of not knowing, and that's been helpful too. We don't have to tell you how much that fifty dollars per police car we spot really comes in handy at the end of the month! Thanks again Doc! We're proud to call Doc Reno our friend and we don't have to tell you, that whenever he needs anything from us, we'll be there for him.....as soon as he lets us out of this room, which should be any minute now since we're finished with this letter.
Say hi to Doc for us!
Email Doc at:
DocReno@clearchannel.com or DocReno@gmail.com
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THE WOMAN POEM: Before I lay me down to sleep,
I pray for a man who's not a creep,
One who's handsome, smart and strong.
One who loves to listen long,
One who thinks before he speaks,
One who'll call, not wait for weeks.
I pray he's rich and self-employed,
And when I spend, won't be annoyed.
Pull out my chair and hold my hand.
Massage my feet and help me stand.
Oh send a king to make me queen.
A man who loves to cook and clean.
I pray this man will love no other.
And relish visits with my mother.
THE MAN POEM:
I pray for a
deaf-mute gymnast nymphomaniac
with big breasts who owns a bar on a golf course,
and loves to send me fishing and drinking.
This doesn't rhyme and I don't give a damn.
WORLD'S SHORTEST FAIRYTALE
Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'NO!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted.
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I'VE HEARD OF A CHICK MAGNET BUT A DEER MAGNET ???
Wednesday 07-28-2010 6:48pm ET
Deer Magnet: Teenage Driver has Hit 5-Deer in Only 12-Months
(DES MOINES, Iowa) Congratulations to 17-year-old Kacee Larson. She’s been nicknamed “The Deer Magnet”. Within the past 12 months, while driving, she’s slammed into deer 5 times. And lived to tell the story.
Kacee says the first time she was driving home from her job at the ice cream shop. The second time was on a Sunday morning on her way to church. Her pastor has advised her to pray each time she gets behind the wheel. Even after she did that this past Friday, deer number 5 walked in front of her minivan. She totaled the car and screamed “Why me?”
AFTER A THOROUGH INVESTIGATION, BP HAS DETERMINED THAT BP SHOULDN'T BE BLAMED FOR THE GULF OIL SPILL:
For some reason, something about this report just feels suspect to me. I can't quite put my finger on it, though. See if you can help me out here.
BP just finished a thorough investigation of the cause of the oil spill in the Gulf. And after much research and study, BP has concluded that BP is . . . NOT responsible for the spill.
They haven't released their full report yet, but have said their report clearly finds that it's not BP's fault that the Deepwater Horizon drilling rig exploded . . . and that any claims of negligence against them are baseless.
Until BP cleared this up, everyone was pretty sure that they really WERE at fault . . . that they cut corners on some standard safety measures to save money . . . and that those cuts led to the explosion.
(TopNews)
IN SPITE OF EVERYTHING, BP MADE A $4 BILLION PROFIT THIS SPRING:
Just in case you'd forgotten how incredibly, unthinkably lucrative the oil business is . . . and just how many companies are getting insanely rich because we're sheeple who drive everywhere and happily pay over $3 for a gallon of gas . . . check this out.
Despite being behind one of the biggest . . . if not THE biggest . . . oil spills in history, BP still turned a profit in the second quarter of this year: About $4 BILLION . . . only 12.5% less than their profit in the quarter BEFORE the spill.
Last quarter, BP committed $20 BILLION to compensation for people and businesses hurt by the spill . . . their shares lost almost half their value . . . but high oil and gas prices STILL pushed them to a serious profit.
(CNN/Money)
FIVE THINGS YOU SHOULD DO WHILE YOU'RE SINGLE:
Match.com has a list of things you should do while you're SINGLE. And each thing is sort of designed to help you in your NEXT relationship. Here are the top five . . .
#1.) TRAVEL ALONE. It helps you build self-confidence, because you have to make every decision yourself. And learning to be more independent can help you in your next relationship, because being TOO dependant on other people can be a turn off.
#2.) STAY OUT ALL NIGHT. Just not EVERY night. But you have to be a LITTLE wild when you're single, or you'll regret it. Because once you're with someone again, you won't be ABLE to do whatever you want.
#3.) LEARN HOW TO TAKE CARE OF YOURSELF. So, if your ex was the one who did all the cooking and cleaning, don't become a slob once you're single.
#4.) SPEND A WEEKEND WITH A MARRIED COUPLE YOUR OWN AGE. Match.com says spending 48 hours with a real couple will remind you that relationships aren't perfect. And then you won't rush into a BAD one.
And if your friends come off like some kind of perfect DREAM couple . . . don't be fooled, and rush into another relationship even FASTER. Because people are usually on their best behavior when they have visitors.
#5.) STAY SINGLE FOR AT LEAST THREE MONTHS. According to Match.com, that's how long you need to really process a break-up. Otherwise, your next relationship won't be any better.
It shouldn't really be a RULE though, because you might meet someone TOMORROW. But the point is, if you just hop from one relationship to the next, you won't give yourself enough time to reflect on why your last relationship failed.
(Match.com)
BELIEVE IT OR NOT, THE TOWN OF SHITTERTON, ENGLAND, HAS HAD ITS SIGN STOLEN MULTIPLE TIMES:
The town of Shitterton, in Dorset, England, has a problem: Every time they put up a sign with the town's name on it, for SOME reason, someone steals it.
According to one councilman, quote, "We'd get a sign and five minutes later, it's gone."
So they've come up with a new way to welcome people to town: Instead of a sign . . . they've carved "Shitterton" into a GIANT BOULDER.
The boulder weighs 1,500 pounds . . . that's one-and-a-half tons . . . and about half of the town contributed $30 apiece toward the cost.
(Digital Journal)
MISS ME YET ??? I'LL BE BACK ON TONIGHT AT 12 MIDNIGHT
Tuesday 07-27-2010 3:40pm ET
THE TOP TEN THINGS MEN SHOULDN'T DO AFTER 30:
AskMen.com has a list of the top ten things men shouldn't do after the age of 30. A few of them are iffy, but mostly it's dead on . . .
#10.) EATING FAST FOOD. You'll start feeling the effects once your metabolism slows down. And almost anything you make at home is better for you than fast food.
#9.) DRIVING WRECKLESSLY. About a million people die from car accidents every year, and about 50 million more people are injured. And men tend to drive more aggressively than women do.
#8.) PLAYING VIDEO GAMES ALL DAY. Playing games on your cell phone while you're waiting in the doctor's office is one thing. But if you're always tethered to your PlayStation 3 . . . it's time to grow up.
#7.) LIVING IN A DORM ROOM. Not literally, but if you're over 30, you shouldn't have Grateful Dead posters on the wall, pizza boxes on the floor, and empty beer cans scattered all around your apartment.
#6.) GETTING A TATTOO. This one's debatable, but AskMen.com makes a good point: If you get a BAD tattoo when you're FORTY, you can't really explain it away as something you did when you were young and stupid.
#5.) BINGE DRINKING. Again, when you're 22, you can blame it on being young and crazy. But there's a point where, if you're binge drinking all the time, it starts to become an ILLNESS.
And if you haven't worried about it all yet, hitting 30 is a good time to start.
#4.) LIVING PAYCHECK-TO-PAYCHECK. This one's easier said than done. But once you're in your 30's, you need to figure out a way to save whatever you can each month and prepare for things like kids, layoffs, and health issues.
#3.) WORKING AT A DEAD-END JOB. If you've been at the same job for five years and they haven't given you a promotion yet, they might NEVER give you one. So it might be time to look for a job where you can start climbing the ladder.
#2.) KNOWING NOTHING ABOUT POLITICS. In American demographics, the term "youth vote" means voters between the ages of 18 and 29. So if you're over 30, you're an adult who should know something about how the world works.
#1.) DRESSING LIKE A SLOB. It doesn't take much time, effort, or even money to dress like an adult. You just have to care about how you present yourself. And you have to realize that more is expected of you now than when you were 20.
(AskMen.com)
IN AUSTRALIA, EVERYONE NOW LEAVES WORK AT 3:00 P.M. ON FRIDAYS TO GO DRINKING:
How come the workers in every other first-world country seem to have it WAY better than us?
Check this out. In Sydney, Australia, pretty much every business has replaced Casual Friday with something called LAZY FRIDAY.
What it means is: Every single Friday, at 3:00 P.M., everyone leaves work to go drinking. You couldn't even stay late if you wanted to . . . all the offices shut down and it's considered poor form to make a business call after 3:00 on a Friday.
Chris Taylor is a spokesman for the Sydney Chamber of Commerce and, he says, these Lazy Fridays are doing INCREDIBLE things for workers' morale.
Quote, "With workplace flexibility on the rise, businesses are finding more social options to balance the working life."
Wayne Tregaskis is the founder of a company in Sydney called S2i Communications. He says that taking his staff out to get drunk on Friday afternoons is a key part of his business.
Quote, "It's not some kind of contrived thing to build staff relations. That's a fringe benefit. [It's] just an enjoyable thing to do."
(Courier Mail)
IN COLORADO, A FAMILY GETS CARJACKED . . . BY A BEAR:
On Friday, the Story family in Larkspur, Colorado, was carjacked. And, naturally, they're blaming it on a minority.
Because they were jacked by . . . A BEAR. Apparently, the bear smelled a peanut butter sandwich in the backseat of the Storys' 2008 Toyota Corolla. The car was in the family's driveway; they were asleep at the time.
The bear somehow managed to open one of the doors, which was unlocked. Bears are so food-crazed that when they smell something to eat, they have the ability to figure out how to open up houses, cars, or pic-a-nic baskets.
Once the bear was in the Corolla, he inadvertently honked the horn . . . and knocked the shifter into neutral. The car started rolling away, with the bear at the wheel.
He got a little over 40 yards before the car went off the road and into some bushes. And the door he'd opened slammed back shut when the car stopped . . . which trapped the bear in the car.
Deputies came and were able to get the bear out by using a rope to open the door from a safe distance. The bear completely trashed the interior of the car before he got out . . . and left, quote, "a present" on the driver's seat.
The bear escaped back into the woods.
(Yahoo News)
A JUDGE IN TAMPA SENTENCES TWO FEUDING NEIGHBORS TO SIX POTLUCK DINNERS TOGETHER:
Now THIS is how the justice system SHOULD work. A judge in Florida has basically made it ILLEGAL for two neighbors to hate each other.
43-year-old Tony Alli and 48-year-old Jose Linares are next-door neighbors, on a street called Caron Road in Tampa, Florida. And for the nine-plus years they've been living next to each other, they've DESPISED each other.
Tony likes blasting reggae and calypso music when he gets off of work. Jose likes it quiet after work.
So Tony blasts music, and Jose calls the police. In the past decade, that cycle has happened HUNDREDS of times.
Finally, back in January, things finally boiled over . . . and Tony ended up hitting Jose in the face.
Last week, in court, Tony was found guilty of assault. He got 50 hours of community service, six months of probation . . . and something extra.
The judge, Paul Huey, ruled that Tony and Jose need to have six FAMILY POT LUCK DINNERS . . . once a month for the next six months . . . hoping that if they get to know each other, they'll stop fighting.
If Tony skips any of the meals, it's a violation of his probation. He's hosting the first pot luck dinner for the families on August 14th.
(St. Petersburg Times)
I'M ON VACATION .... SO WHY THE HELL AM I DOING BLOGS ???
Sunday 07-18-2010 6:06pm ET
More Women Would Prefer a Clean House to a Great Orgasm
(GLASGOW, SCOTLAND) According to a recent survey, more women find satisfaction in a clean house than in the bedroom.
“Good Housekeeping” magazine asked over 1000 of their readers how they felt about cleaning. For wives under the age of 35, the number who said they prefer cleaning over sex was an astonishing 40%. That’s a sad indictment on their husbands.
Women Believe Guys Are More Attractive Doing Housework
(LONDON, ENGLAND) A survey of young women shows they find a man at his sexiest when he’s helping with the chores. In fact, according to these results, women would prefer a man give them a sparkling bathroom ahead of flowers or chocolates.
A psychologist believes the findings showed women were looking for a man willing to be more active in the household. Cary Cooper says (quote) “Many women are still working the double shift: Doing household chores and having a career. What they’re obviously wanting is to see is a potential mate who’ll help with the chores.”
A MAN WAS DRIVING TO KILL HIS SISTER . . . BUT GOT DISTRACTED BY A STRIP CLUB:
Last month at a family dinner at his mom's house, 50-year-old Keith Rasmussen of Madison, Wisconsin, got into a huge argument with his sister. His sister's name and age weren't released, but we know she lives in Racine, Wisconsin.
Well, Keith spent the whole month furious about the fight. And last week, he SNAPPED. Keith grabbed his knife and decided to drive to Racine to DECAPITATE his own sister.
But, his plan was foiled when he got distracted by . . . a strip club.
As Keith was leaving Madison, he drove past Visions Night Club, and decided that murdering his sister could wait . . . he wanted to get a quick lap dance or two first.
So Keith stopped in Visions, got hammered, and ended up getting bounced out for vomiting in the VIP area.
Since he already had revenge on his mind, he decided to get some on Visions too . . . so he hopped into his car and drove it straight into the front wall of the place.
When he was arrested, the cops searched him and found his knife, so he confessed to the plan to decapitate his sister.
But since he never made it further than the strip club, no attempted murder actually happened . . . and he was only charged for reckless endangerment, disorderly conduct and criminal damage to property
(Wisconsin State Journal)
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© 2010
